Monday, October 31, 2005

Is it even possible?

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think my gargantuan babies may be going through another growth spurt. Either that, or something else is going on. I had visitors on Saturday, and I felt okay. I woke up on Sunday feeling like I'd grown! I stood up and was sooooo uncomfortable and huge in the front. I've been moving at record slow speed since then because I'm feeling so extremely large. Making the journey to the bathroom is now a chore. The other thing that's going on is that I'm having a lot of uterine activity. It's not so much contractions as it is what they call irritability, or tightness that lasts for under 40 seconds. Last time I had this much action and tightness, it turned out to be a growth spurt (we think).The third symptom is fatigue, which I hadn't experienced in a while due to all the rest I'm getting. Yesterday and today I've felt almost sick with tiredness.

But the thing is that twins' growth is supposed to slow down after 32 weeks, unlike singletons. So I really don't know. Of course what always crosses my mind when something out of the ordinary happens is, "Am I going into labor?" And I'm so scared of going into labor without realizing it and then not having time to get to the hospital, which is a 25 minute ride with no traffic. And there is often traffic. I know that people say with your first baby you won't go that quickly, but it is still a huge fear rational or not. How will I know I'm in labor? I've been having contractions forever now. What if I don't notice a difference between the ones I've had and these new ones? What if my water doesn't break?

Taking a deeeeeeeeeep breath.

Friday, October 28, 2005

People are good.

My local friends visit me, sit on my bed, and talk.

My far-away friends call me to see how I am.

My sister reminds me that she's coming to meet the babies in December.

My sister-in-law writes me encouraging e-mails.

My brother-in-law makes me laugh when he calls.

My parents and parents-in-law bring us food and gifts.

The guy at the diner gives my husband free rice pudding because he knows I like it.

My husband's co-workers ask how we are.

My apartment neighbors offer to help.

My husband does everything for me that no one else would do.

You all write supportive and funny messages on my blog.

Thank you.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

32+ weeks

Sorry, but I've given up on wearing pants.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Kermit had it right.

It's not easy bein' green.

I've had nausea almost every single day of my pregnancy, and vomiting at least twice a week since around 7 weeks. Sometimes it's been much more than that, depending on the week. And yes- I have tried ginger! (Just had to get that out of the way.) I've tried most everything, so I have no need to list it all here - just trust me. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant. I was in total disbelief, and I actually wished for morning sickness so it would seem more real. Boy did I jinx myself!

In the beginning it was the worst. I hated every food. SP would put a dinner plate in front of me, and I remember crying over having to eat it. It was so weird for me, because I've always loved food and eating. I didn't feel like myself at all. The really bad sickness came around 9 weeks. I hoped it would pass quickly, but it hung on for weeks. It was a shock that having children had already changed my life dramatically- no going out, not being able to work as hard or as often, not being able to eat normally, having no energy to contribute to the household... . I had a couple of weeks of feeling pretty good around 18 weeks, and I thought it had finally faded, but it came back. After it came back, I just kind of accepted that it was an on-going thing.

One point of credit I would have to give to myself is that I always ate as much as I could as often as I could even when I didn't want to. I payed close attention, and when the waves of nausea were not as bad I went for it. There is a philosophy for twin pregnancies that you should try to gain a lot of weight early because you are at higher risk for preterm labor, and because it becomes harder earlier to eat a lot. By about 6 months, I had gained 40 pounds. I've hardly gained any weight since then despite continuing to eat, so I'm glad I made that earlier effort. Bedrest, the medicine pump, and being stretched beyond my body's limits to accomodate two little bodies,... none of these things has been as difficult to deal with as the sickness and how hard I've had to work just to eat and gain weight.

For the first 4 or 5 months, I really believed I could not go through pregnancy again. Being sick and exhausted really has put my life on hold from almost the very beginning of being pregnant. But something changed in me, and now I feel like I could do it again if we really wanted more kids. I don't think we will, but that's not the point. The point is that I still love being pregnant. I think it's because it seemed like it might never happen that it's still so special to me. I don't take it for granted. Yes, there are moments I feel like I wish I could go back to normal (mostly when I'm bent over a trash can), but there are more moments where I look at myself in wonder or feel the babies moving and am just as thrilled as the day I found out I was pregnant. (Okay, Forces of Karma and Jinxing and Evening Things Out, ppppppppppplease don't make me really sick tonight just because I said how much I like being pregnant despite getting sick. I HATE getting sick!! Do you hear me? I HATE IT!)

Friday, October 21, 2005


Stretchmarks have finally begun to make their first appearance, and I'm sure they will only intensify. I thought all this time it would really bother me, but when I saw them it seemed kind of cool. I guess it's just that I will probably never be pregnant again, so having those marks might be a sweet reminder that I carried my babies in my belly. I'll know it wasn't all pretend.

Some say, "Well, there go your bikini days!" In truth, I never wore a bikini until a couple of years ago. SP thought it would be sexy, and for the first time in my life I didn't care so much what anyone thought. It felt really free and great just to do it without waiting for that year when I'd finally have tamed my tummy or firmed up my butt. So I don't know whether this new development will deter me. Time will tell, but for now I just like to look at the marks. They are quite amusing to me, and they will always help me remember what I longed for, waited for, and finally got a chance to do: nurture and grow life inside of my own body.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Baby update

A quick update from yesterday's appointment:

  • Both babies are estimated to be about 4 lbs. 5 oz., both huge for twins of their age (ultrasound was done at 31 wks, 3 days).
  • Cervix went from 1.7 to 1.4.
  • I will be staying on the terbutaline medicine pump until 34 weeks, not 32, and I will continue to monitor contractions in conjunction with that.
  • Baby A's head is still gargantuan (35 weeks big) and is resting upon my funneling cervix as if to say, "I'm ready when you are!"
  • Baby B is lying sideways, just as I suspected- there was an awful lot of squirming going on across the top of my belly!
  • If fFN is negative, fine. If fFN is positive, I may have to be observed in the hospital for a few days. Since the doctor did not call today and it's almost 6PM, it's probably negative.
  • We are hanging in there and hoping now to make it to 34 weeks - a new goal! My doctor's son was born at 34 weeks and only had to spend 5 days in the NICU. His other son was born at 32 weeks and had to stay for 3 weeks. Either way, it's not too bad. Guess we better get that room set up, eh?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Do you know what today is?

It's our anniversary, Tony, Toni, Tone.

We have been married 3 years. In some ways that feels too short because we lived together for a few years before that. But I do think things change a little after standing in front of a group of people and saying you're committed to being together forever. There is a special kind of honor in that.

Like all couples, we've had our ups and downs. I hope we continue to, because I've grown so much since I began sharing my life with him. I am so in love with him, beyond the most passionate dreams of my youth and the earnest hopes of my adulthood. He is the best husband, partner, and friend that a person could have. And I actually do thank my lucky stars every single day.

We don't have much planned... just some food from our favorite Middle Eastern delicacies store, and I made him a little journal of memories from our first couple of years together. But it is nice to stop and think of how far we've come and all we have to look forward to.

So happy anniversary to us. May you each be blessed with a wonderful partner and the love and fulfillment that he or she brings.

31+ weeks

I'm still carrying completely out front. I don't think that this photo quite captures just how big I am, but after SP had taken only 1 photo I announced to him that my feet were swelling and itchy, and that I was done.

I can't believe there's still room to expand out front! I thought by now they'd make room for themselves on the sides, but I guess they're both positioned vertically, head-down last I heard. How does the blood not rush to their heads and make them dizzy???

I love you, you crazy babies!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So cute.

There are kids playing outside, and one just said to his dad, "I'm okay, I just broke my leg a little!"

The UPS Man is my friend.

My faith in the world has been restored through one little gesture. Maybe it's because I'm isolated from the outside world. Maybe it's because I'm so very immobile now as a result of my gargantuan size. Either way, someone making a little extra effort for me makes me so grateful these days.

It began when the UPS Man rang the doorbell. I felt heartbroken that I would miss yet another delivery because I am not allowed to go down the stairs to the first floor of our apartment building and let him in. (We moved to this neighborhood just a couple months ago and don't know our neighbors well enough yet to ask them to sign for us, other than our apartment building neighbors who are never home.) But I decided this time to stick my head out of my bedroom window and beg him just to leave the package on the doorstep. Alas, he said he could not leave it without a signature, just as I had assumed. I was about to give up when he suggested I throw down my keys to him so he could open the door and bring it up. When he arrived at my door, package in hand, I almost felt alarmed to see a face at my door that wasn't SP's and sort of winced at his presence.

I was in a robe and my hair was all wet and messy because I had just finished my shower, which I take once every three days by the way, so lucky for him. The only problem was that my robe barely wraps around my huge belly, so I was kind of afraid that my privates were showing, though I myself could not see beyond my belly to check. (I didn't have enough time to do the complicated ritual of putting on my underwear by myself, you see.) Finally I caught my breath and clumsily, awkwardly, and apologetically explained that I'm not allowed down the stairs because of risk of preterm labor, so sorry and thank you. And it just seemed so sweet when he smiled and said, "The UPS Man encounters these things every day, ma'am. Don't worry, we understand." Someone understands. Thanks, UPS Man, for going the extra mile. You made my day.

(And by the way, I did a check in the mirror after he was gone and saw that my privates were indeed well-covered by the robe, thank heavens!)

Sunday, October 16, 2005

31 weeks

31 weeks down, 1 or more to go. I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday, and we'll see what the plan of action is then. As I understand it, I will be taken off of the medicine at the completion of 32 weeks and then I may go into labor or may hang on for a while. Weird. But I must make sure I have that straight when I see the doctor. We also get another growth scan on Wed. Hopefully the babies will be just as huge for their age as they were last time!

I am getting a little delirious. 3+ weeks in bed will do that to you, I guess. Like yesterday I watched football for a while. What else? I finished a book about a kid with leukemia - a real upper for someone confined to bed. I watched part of an Italian movie about a 14 year old girl trying to lose her virginity on the Greek island of Ios. Today we're going to pack my bag for the hospital and I'm supposed to work on mix for the labor room to put on my Ipod. I guess I should erase all of the kids' music and choral piano accompaniment I put on there during to year to use in the classroom. I can't think of anything much more annoying than "There's a Hole in My Bucket" coming up in the middle of a painful contraction.

Well, I'm grasping for things to write. Maybe I'll post a picture of my huge, upside-down turtle shell-like belly later. That should be more entertaining than anything I could write at this point.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Take It To the Limit One More Time

A little Eagles tune never hurt anyone. Oh, I can see you turning your nose up! Well, I'll bet there was at least one time you found yourself in some dusty little bar drinking one too many a cheap beer, ...and when you heard an Eagles song come up on the jukebox, it just seemed right.

Anyhoo, you know I'd been having more contractions lately than I would have liked. Since then, I've resolved to be on even more bedrest than before, so as to ward them off. I have been lying down on my side almost constantly for a couple days now, and it seems to be helping. -Or else it's just a coincidence that I'm getting less contractions. Either way, I'm going to keep on keepin' on. What I do is avoid sitting up in bed too much and really try to stay reclined all day. If I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I plan ahead and make a very conscious effort to get food for the next hour or heat something up while I'm up. I know it sounds like that would be the logical thing to do in the first place, but it can be very hard and unnatural to change your instincts and habits. So I am typing from a lying down position. Yes, I am talented.

I didn't think there was another level of rest that I could force myself to do until I did it. I didn't think I could spend so many hours lying down and still feel okay. But it actually gives me a lot of satisfaction to do it, as uncomfortable as it can be, because I know it's good for the babies. Maybe I'll add "Take It to the Limit" to my mix for the labor room. On second thought, "Witchy Woman" is much more upbeat and oh so appropriate for the season.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

On the bright side

NOTE: *If you didn't read my last post, please do so. Otherwise, you may go through the rest of the month without realizing that October is the right time for you to repair your toilet tank.*

In other news, it seems that every time I think the medicine is at an effective dose, I get a bunch of contractions. The doctors don't seem all that worried in light of the negative fFN. But I'm the one whose belly is tightening and contorting into asymmetrical shapes, who is experiencing shortness of breath, and whose face becomes hot and red, so please pardon me if I get a little concerned.

To manage the anxiety, I have decided to try a new approach. Not only am I trying to accept that the babies will decide when they arrive, not me, but I am also looking at the positive aspects of them having to spend some time in the hospital if/when they do come early. Mind you, this is somewhat artificial because what new mom wants her babies in the hospital instead of at home with her? But nonetheless, sometimes looking on the bright side is the only way to get through. So here is a list in progress.

Good things I can do while the babies are in the hospital:
  • pump the hell out of my breasts so that the babies can have the benefits of breast milk while in the hospital
  • help take care of the babies and learn their needs so I can better take care of them at home
  • recuperate from the birth
  • finish the nursery/organize the house
  • send out birth announcements
  • cook and freeze meals
  • do some Christmas shopping
Okay, so it's a short list right now, and in reality I will probably be glued to the NICU every day, not making casseroles. But I'm trying. Feel free to add your own ideas. However, please do not add "relax" or "get some sleep." I have actually already had some people suggest to me that it's an advantage to have your baby/ies in NICU for a while so that you can rest, something you wouldn't be able to do if you brought them home right away. Of course, all of these people carried their kids to term and brought them home with them. "Oh, you don't know how hard it is! I wish I'd had a few days of r&r!" Sounds vaguely reminiscent of the dreaded words I heard from the Fertiles when trying so hard to conceive: "Just relax!" People mean well, I suppose.

Well, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I must go and fix my toilet tank now. Tata!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

October is about more than just cookies

Yesterday my friend J called from MA to check on me. She is one of the most thoughtful friends I know. Anyway, in the course of the conversation, she told me that it's National Cookie Month. Meanwhile, I was sitting on my bed with my friend B of unwellness, eating a blondie that she had brought me. B also brought me a box of chocolate chip cookies, upon my request for something sweet. My plan was to eat as many cookies as possible before hearing the results of my gestational diabetes test today. Well, now I can slow down and enjoy, because I do NOT have g. diabetes. YAYYYYYYYYYYY!

But back to National Cookie Month. I was wondering how these months that celebrate or bring awareness to certain things come about. I already knew it was Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month, and the second half of Hispanic Heritage Month. But who knew that there was a month just for cookies? I began to wonder if October was the month of other things too, so I did a little research. I'd like to share some of my favorites with you.

October has also been designated as the following:

Celebrate Sun Dried Tomatoes Month
Go Hog-Wild Eat Country Ham Month
International Strategic Planning Month

National Chili Month

National Communicate with Your Kid Month
National Construction Toy Month
National Dental Hygiene Month
National Family Sexuality Education Month
National Medical Librarians Month

National Popcorn Poppin’ Month

National Pork Month
National Roller Skating Month
National Toilet Tank Repair Month
Talk About Prescriptions Month

And perhaps my very favorite...
Positive Attitude Month

I wish I were still teaching so that when a kid in my classroom acted up, I could say, "Come on now, Janie, don't you know October is Positive Attitude Month? You're going to have to hold off on your whining and complaining until November 1st."

Sunday, October 09, 2005

A Good Thing

My fFN was negative this time. I don't know how much stock to put into this, since we had a positive already. But, I can't deny that it's a Good Thing. (Can you tell I've been watching the M*rtha St*wart show?)

Friday, October 07, 2005

Did you ever hear the one about the pregnant lady with the green juice, the short cervix, and the broken down car?

We went to the doctor's this morning. I had to take the 3 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes. What a pain! First of all, you can't eat anything from 12AM on the night before. Next, you have to go to the office around 9AM to get your blood drawn pre-test. Next you have to drink a bottle of this super SUPER sugary green liquid. It's even sweeter than the one you have to drink for the 1 hour test. Keep in mind this is all on an empty stomach. You then have to get your blood drawn once an hour for 3 hours. I am already prone to nausea and vomiting with this pregnancy, so it is truly a M-I-R-A-C-L-E that I didn't lose it during all this time. I was really fortunate that they had an empty exam room where I could lie on my side and watch a movie on my computer while waiting. I don't think it would've worked if I'd had to be in the waiting room.

The other thing they did was measure my cervix. It has been at 2cm for 2 weeks now. Today it was at 1.7cm. They said this was good. When I asked if this meant I would go for a while yet, they said that it was a good thing, but that cervix length can go from 2cm to .2cm without explanation, so they couldn't make any promises. Phooey! At least for now we can be happy it hasn't shortened too much. They also did another fFN test, which predicts whether there's a 40% chance you'll go into labor within the next 2 weeks. The positive fFN and shortened cervix two weeks ago today is what landed me in the hospital in the first place. Well, it's 2 weeks later, and we don't have babies yet thank God, so if I get another positive I won't be so upset. But my doctor said I may have to go for another hospital stay to get more magnesium (please, no!!!) if it's positive. Another doctor in the practice said that he didn't think there was much use in putting me back in the hospital, but they would cross that bridge later. I was supposed to get the results of the test this afternoon, but I didn't because I never called because we had car trouble.

Yes, that's right. After 3+ hours of getting through the nauseating glucose test, what should happen but the car we borrowed from a friend to get us back and forth from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side died! Well, I should say the battery died. We were only a few minutes from the doctor's office, about to get on a highway when it happened. Thank God that we were not on the highway yet and right by a gas station. SP was very manly. He hopped out of the car, which was in the middle lane on a congested street, and pushed and steered the car backward onto the side of the road, next to the gas station. Macho, macho man! Seriously, though, I was really quite impressed. To make a long story short, jumping it didn't work, so SP ended up hiking 14 blocks to an auto goods store and buying a battery, which after much struggle was installed by a service guy who worked at the gas station. My friend, the owner of the car, left her job to come meet us and help out. We all ended up in rush hour traffic coming home. I ended up home at 6PM, 4 hours later than I should've been here. So much for bedrest, eh? Well, at least I got a good dose of the outside world today. Afterall, bedrest can be so very boring, you know.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


So, I've been on this medicine called terbutaline for over a week now. At first I seemed to tolerate it okay. Then over the weekend, I noticed the my pulse rarely went below 120 and I began throwing up a lot. After two adjustments to the dose/timing of the medicine, I thought yesterday that things were working out. I was finally getting a lower pulse and keeping food down, and my # of contractions was still low. Since last night, the # of contractions has been getting higher. The number is still acceptable but, damnit, I didn't want an acceptable number - I wanted a low number. Every time I get a contraction, I imagine my cervix getting shorter and shorter. And then I worry about going into labor. And the truth is, I can't help feeling bad that I can't tolerate a higher dose of the medicine for the babies' sake. It makes me feel a little inadequate and a lot frustrated.

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to get another fFN test, cervical length check, and to do my 3-hour gestational diabetes test. I will be 29 weeks and 5 days. I hope that things look good, because I 'd sure like to get to that magic 32 weeks. Cross your fingers (and toes too, if you can) for me!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

romantic memories of a childless New Jersey

As my time as a childless person is coming to an end, I feel this need to document things I remember about the great times I've had pre-children. It's not that I think I won't have great times once my children are born. It's more that I fear I'll forget the things I've already done because there will be so many new things to experience and remember. So here are a few memories of my first few months with SP while "stuck" in NJ:

  • My first date with SP: I wore cream-colored pants and a purplish Banana Republic top that had a dip at the neckline, black sandals with green sparkly toenail polish. My hair was shoulder length. What he wore: khaki pants and a navy blue shirt with a rainbow stripe across the chest. His hair was dyed blond in parts. We went to a great Vietnamese restaurant in an NJ strip mall, outside of Phila. It took us forever to find the place. There was no first kiss at the end of the evening.
  • When we went to a Greek festival together in Cherry Hill, NJ, probably our 6th date or so. I had the biggest zit of my life on my chin and made a weak attempt at covering it up with makeup. We were sitting there in the October darkness with outside lights, eating our moussaka and spanikopita when SP says to me, "I think you have some spinach on your chin." I was horrified inside, but I calmly responded, "No, it's a giant zit." At the time, I thought he shied away because he was grossed out. Later in our relationship, he told be he just wanted to grab me and kiss me because I seemed like I didn't even care and he loved that.
  • Our first Halloween. I showed up at 6PM to help give out candy and have dinner that SP was cooking for us. Turned out he had not turned back his clock that weekend and thought I was a whole hour late, but he didn't mention it until halfway through the date at which time I reminded him of the time change.
  • My 25th birthday. He brought me a bottle of Chianti because he knew I'd spent a year in Florence during college and how much that meant to me. He gave me a beautifully illustrated book about jazz and gospel. He took me out to a wonderful sushi place in Collingswood, NJ. Weeks later I found the tag that went on the bottle of wine that he himself had illustrated.
Who knew NJ could be so romantic?

Monday, October 03, 2005

B is for Best

To my friend B, you are the best. Thanks for stopping over today. I love seeing you and talking with you. Your friendships means so much to me. Thanks for being here while I had to stick myself in the leg with a thumbtac. Thanks for finding my medicine in the frige and reading the manual. I love love love you.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Sweet and sour

We went to the doctor's office yesterday, as a follow-up visit to our hospital stay. Cervical length was the same as last week, which is still too short but good that it's stable for now. The babies are growing a lot. The doctor was delightfully surprised by how big they are for twins. They are in the 50th and 75th percentile for singletons, which means that for twins they top the charts. Baby A (on the bottom) is 2 lbs. 15 oz, and baby B is 3 lbs. 5 oz. I gained a couple pounds, but nothing significant... hard to believe in light of recent belly growth (see photo below). Both babies are still active. This new medicine seems to make them hyper. A's activity has really picked up. Last night I was lying against SP, and he could feel A kicking and moving against his leg, a first since A is so low and usually impossible to feel from the outside. Another time, SP had his hand on my upper belly, and B kicked so hard that it moved his hand! Next Friday I have another appointment. They will check cervical length, do another fFN test, and I will have to do the 3-hour gestational diabetes test. Why? Because I failed the 1-hour test by ONE FRICKIN' POINT! Luckily they have an unused exam room I can lie down in while I'm there.

SP and I are doing okay here at home. We're trying to adjust to the new life that we are forced to have. SP has been clearing the bedroom of clutter, trying to make it nicer for me since this is where I spend most of my time. We have been trying to figure out how to make this situation work once he goes back to work on Monday. The key will be keeping all of my activities and food and drink easily accessible, since I'm not supposed to get up much. It's not the end of the world if I have to go out to the kitchen to refill a water bottle, but too many of those little trips are frowned upon so they are to be avoided. You are not supposed to get up on a whim. If you want to read a book that you forgot to ask your husband to put by your bed before he left for work, for example, it's not okay to get up and get the book. Too bad for you.

Anyway, boredom is boredom, not such a big deal. There are things that bother me more. One is that I am a control freak who doesn't like when people come to my house and look through my cabinets and refrigerator and other things to find stuff that they can cook with or get for me. Why? Because I don't think we are neat and clean enough, and these insecurities are now plaguing me because I can't be in control when people come over. Yes, I know it is stupid and petty, but it is what it is. I can't change overnight. My in-laws are coming tomorrow to throw us a little shower since we are missing the real one they were going to have for us out of town, and it's just KILLING me that they're going to be going through my kitchen and I'm just going to have to sit here like a helpless lump.

The other thing that bothers me a lot about this situation is that my sense of self as an active, productive, contributing, INDEPENDENT person is quickly crumbling. If I can't teach, if I can't cook dinner, if I can't pick my clothes up off the floor and put them in the laundry bag, even, what good am I? And it goes far beyond that. I can't easily get dressed by myself anymore, can't take a shower when SP is not home, may not walk across the apartment to get myself something unnecessary. The basics are gone. And SP is even in charge of sticking me with a needle every few days and changing my medicine pump. I think about how it would be if I had a permanent disability. I know I would be very hard to live with. But I'm hoping I would become used to it and become more positive, gracious, and proactive about doing something about things that frustrated me. For now, I think the sudden change and the significant side effects of the medicine have left my head spinning, and I don't quite know what to think or how to cope.

But the big picture is very clear to me right now. I will do what I have to to keep the babies in me as long as possible. Admittedly, I can't promise to deal with all this with grace and virtue. I think a lot of the anxiety and disorientation I feel right now is really a result of an overall, ever-present worry about the babies. When will they come out? Will they be okay? This is the scariest thing to not have control over. The other things are things I would like to have control over in lieu of this big thing. And I just don't. There's little to latch onto right now. This is where faith comes in, something that I have a love-hate relationship with. As the old church song, turned 1970's country western hit goes, "One day at a time, sweet Jesus." One day at a time, indeed.

29 weeks tomorrow

BIG BELLY. If I do go for 3 or more weeks (and let's hope I do), can you imagine how I'll look? I don't know, maybe it doesn't seem so drastic through cyberspace, but if you saw me in person you'd see I'm ALL belly. My butt, legs, arms, and hips really haven't changed very much. This is great from the standpoint of me getting my shape back but not so great from the standpoint that I feel like my belly is being stretched beyond capacity. It's mind-blowing I don't have stretchmarks (yet). When I sit up, it's like my belly goes so high that my boobs are in my face, asking me where they might relocate for the time being. I remember early in the pregnancy when I graduated from a B to a C bra cup size. I was so excited! Now in relation to my belly, they look like -A's. But I'll tell you a secret: for all of the discomfort, I love it. I dreamed of being a huge pregnant woman for a long time, and now I am. So give me a few more weeks, I dare you. I will take it, with many little complaints and one big smile to match my big belly.