Monday, October 24, 2005

Kermit had it right.

It's not easy bein' green.

I've had nausea almost every single day of my pregnancy, and vomiting at least twice a week since around 7 weeks. Sometimes it's been much more than that, depending on the week. And yes- I have tried ginger! (Just had to get that out of the way.) I've tried most everything, so I have no need to list it all here - just trust me. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant. I was in total disbelief, and I actually wished for morning sickness so it would seem more real. Boy did I jinx myself!

In the beginning it was the worst. I hated every food. SP would put a dinner plate in front of me, and I remember crying over having to eat it. It was so weird for me, because I've always loved food and eating. I didn't feel like myself at all. The really bad sickness came around 9 weeks. I hoped it would pass quickly, but it hung on for weeks. It was a shock that having children had already changed my life dramatically- no going out, not being able to work as hard or as often, not being able to eat normally, having no energy to contribute to the household... . I had a couple of weeks of feeling pretty good around 18 weeks, and I thought it had finally faded, but it came back. After it came back, I just kind of accepted that it was an on-going thing.

One point of credit I would have to give to myself is that I always ate as much as I could as often as I could even when I didn't want to. I payed close attention, and when the waves of nausea were not as bad I went for it. There is a philosophy for twin pregnancies that you should try to gain a lot of weight early because you are at higher risk for preterm labor, and because it becomes harder earlier to eat a lot. By about 6 months, I had gained 40 pounds. I've hardly gained any weight since then despite continuing to eat, so I'm glad I made that earlier effort. Bedrest, the medicine pump, and being stretched beyond my body's limits to accomodate two little bodies,... none of these things has been as difficult to deal with as the sickness and how hard I've had to work just to eat and gain weight.

For the first 4 or 5 months, I really believed I could not go through pregnancy again. Being sick and exhausted really has put my life on hold from almost the very beginning of being pregnant. But something changed in me, and now I feel like I could do it again if we really wanted more kids. I don't think we will, but that's not the point. The point is that I still love being pregnant. I think it's because it seemed like it might never happen that it's still so special to me. I don't take it for granted. Yes, there are moments I feel like I wish I could go back to normal (mostly when I'm bent over a trash can), but there are more moments where I look at myself in wonder or feel the babies moving and am just as thrilled as the day I found out I was pregnant. (Okay, Forces of Karma and Jinxing and Evening Things Out, ppppppppppplease don't make me really sick tonight just because I said how much I like being pregnant despite getting sick. I HATE getting sick!! Do you hear me? I HATE IT!)


Blogger Wes said...

I can not believe that you are still enjoying being pregnant. That really proves how much you love those little beasts!
If this makes you Kermit, does that mean SP is Miss Piggy? I think he needs to bat his eyelashes and say "Oh, Kermie" a little more often.

9:27 PM  
Blogger lagiulia said...

You're right. I will tell him that he is now Miss Piggy. We may have to fatten him up a bit, though, if we're gonna pull it off.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I'm really glad to see that someone else DIDN'T like the beginning of pregnancy and is willing to admit it openly. Especially someone for whom it was a struggle to get pregnant in the first place. I'm not enjoying this, but I have been hesitant to talk too much about it for fear I will seem ungrateful or insensitive. And I am really glad that you ARE enjoying it now. I hope I will soon join you.

9:39 AM  
Blogger lagiulia said...

Jen- I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Are you feeling sick? I know what you mean about not wanting to seem unappreciative. I guess I've gotten to the point where I can let the thankfulness exsist side-by-side with the acknowledgment of real discomfort. I know I was in a different place when I was ttc, and I wouldn't have wanted to hear any complaints from a pregnant person, assuming they didn't know how good they had it. All I can say is, I feel I do know how good I have it, and I hope this comes through to others too. It definitely is something I think about though.

6:02 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home