Thursday, October 06, 2005


So, I've been on this medicine called terbutaline for over a week now. At first I seemed to tolerate it okay. Then over the weekend, I noticed the my pulse rarely went below 120 and I began throwing up a lot. After two adjustments to the dose/timing of the medicine, I thought yesterday that things were working out. I was finally getting a lower pulse and keeping food down, and my # of contractions was still low. Since last night, the # of contractions has been getting higher. The number is still acceptable but, damnit, I didn't want an acceptable number - I wanted a low number. Every time I get a contraction, I imagine my cervix getting shorter and shorter. And then I worry about going into labor. And the truth is, I can't help feeling bad that I can't tolerate a higher dose of the medicine for the babies' sake. It makes me feel a little inadequate and a lot frustrated.

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to get another fFN test, cervical length check, and to do my 3-hour gestational diabetes test. I will be 29 weeks and 5 days. I hope that things look good, because I 'd sure like to get to that magic 32 weeks. Cross your fingers (and toes too, if you can) for me!


Anonymous bri said...

J, dear, you are just SOOOOOO hard on yourself! (Gee, there's something you didn't already know, huh?) I would like to ramble on about how these things are not in your control and therefore not necessary to cast blame over, but I know it would be sort of pointless and annoying of me so I won't. I know that if you could stop being hard on yourself you would have done so long ago. So I will just say that I am thinking of you and wishing you be-kind-to-self vibes.
Gotta go to Assembly. There will be singing. Repetitive, seemingly-never-ending singing. Wish me luck.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Every day, every minute helps. You are doing everything you can. 32 weeks may be magic but 29w 5d is better than anything earlier (and you're starting to get past some of the worst risks).

Have they talked to you about the shots to help their lungs mature? I don't know the details but at a certain point they can do that and it really makes a big difference (maybe you've already done that?).

It would suck, but have they talked about keeping you as an inpatient? They can monitor the babies, the contractions and the meds so much more closely - they might be able to keep them in there that much longer.

I think of you all often and I will cross everything (and even ask Harpo to cross limbs and digits, if that's within his/her abilities at this point).

7:57 PM  

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